Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Scottish Raj. English Wrath.




And so
am I....


“English people like the Scots and they are happy about the Scottish Parliament. They do not feel they should have the same amount of self-rule because they do not have a sense of competition with the Scots or the Welsh.
They feel that as the biggest constituent part of Britain, they have a sense of responsibility to other smaller parts and that they have to demonstrate a certain constructiveness to their political demands.
The idea of the Scottish Raj may annoy people in the media and in politics but it simply has not filtered down to the ordinary English man and woman”
Thus spake one Susan Condor a social psychologist at the University of Lancaster in a presentation to the British Psychological Society conference in Edinburgh yesterday.

She and other researchers apparently
found that the English were perfectly at ease with the Scots having their own Parliament, and at the same time holding power and influence in Westminster and the higher echelons of the London-based media — a development dubbed the “Scottish Raj” by Jeremy Paxman, the BBC Newsnight presenter.

On what research did this egregious woman base her findings, you may ask?
She
interviewed around 100 people several times over the past five years for the study. Just 100 people on whom she based the findings which formed the base of this presentation which will this morning be grabbing the headlines. One hundred people out of Fifty Million.

Well I have news for M\s Condor. You have been talking to the wrong people. I don't know who they were or where they were but you have missed out on the fact that there is an incipient groundswell of anger and frustration relating the fact that we English feel we are being ignored in our own country and treated as second class citizens in matters democratic.
Get out of your ivory towers of academe (or should that be cacademe) and take the trouble to find out what is really happening.

You could start with the Campaign for an English Parliament for a start. Or the English Constitutional Convention. Or the English Democrats Party...or the Witanagemot Club (see links on right).

People in England know Scots have their own Parliament but that’s about it and they are not annoyed about it,” Dr Condor said. “It is a sense that this is what the Scots have decided they want and that therefore it is appropriate that they should have it."
On the contrary, M\s Condor: we are bloody annoyed. Why else would we be trying to get our own Parliament? And we are even MORE bloody annoyed that Scottish MP's are allowed to vote on matters which affect England solely - but not the other way round.

The researchers are sceptical that this new sense of “Englishness” will one day manifest itself in calls from south of the border for a break-up of Britain and for the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish to go their own ways. “The break-up of Britain could come through a more formal political route but it would not be something at the moment that the English would push for,” Dr Condor said. “Such a break-up is certainly not the settled will of the English people.”
Unfortunately M\s Condor, the breakup of Britain is already under way - at the behest of the Scots and the Welsh who asked for and received their own form of government. Now on the grounds of fairness, the English want their own Parliament.
I hope that the subsequent publicity given to this presentation of yours will add to the anger felt at the inequity of the situation and hasten that end.

You can read the Times report here.

You can contact M\s Condor with your views on this subject at her homepage here...

You can read about M\s Condor's extensive research with "Muriel", "Den" "Geo" and "Ned" et al here...

Extract 4 (a): 'It makes me shudder'

Muriel When I think British and I think English, I think colonialisation. I think (pause) extermination of cultures, of languages, of religions, of replacement with which, good for the white bwana. That's what I think. I know that there was Scottish people, I know that there were Glaswegian, I know that there was probably some of my forebears played a hand in that but that's what it conjures up and it makes me shudder. It makes me shudder, it makes me shudder that, again it comes down to this superiority [Muriel, aged 46, New Labour]

It's well worth trawling HERE through the other research papers on M\s Condor's site.

You get gems like this from a Scottish person now living in England:

As a Scot, when the Scottish parliament was instigated I felt cheated because I didn't have a vote to say whether I wanted a Scottish parliament, and I don't want one.
It's something that infuriated me. It's one of my pet things. I didn't get a vote. And yet, an English person living in Scotland would have a vote. I think, at the end of the day, I still spent the majority of my life in Scotland, I still regard myself as Scottish, so, you know, I believe I should have had the right to vote in the country. It's a bit like people that are British, on holiday abroad, or living abroad, they get a vote, don't they? Why wasn't I able to get a vote? And on the other way, if you've got a person who is foreign, English, who lives in Scotland, why were they allowed to have a vote?

Now that really does take the Scottish shortbread.

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  • Tuesday, August 30, 2005

    Here's the Laddie...



    Two days to go...
    Here is one of my favourite sites.
    Bruichladdich
    (Pronounced Brook-laddie). It's an extremely palatable single malt. You can buy your own cask of whisky on the site, should you so desire. (I do I do!)
    You can watch their lovely whisky being made, see people shopping and even watch the tide come in on Islay. See the comings and goings of a working, Victorian distillery and see the original machinery from 1881 still in use.
    It's like having little Scottish Sims people in your computer. Watch The Budgie, Neil and Duncan move about from the Still House to the Cask Filling Room and on to the Spirit Safe. It's some job - sniffing and tasting the "water of life". Any vacancies?
    Email Chrissie and she'll hold up her clothing to the camera for you (that's what it says on the site). What nice obliging people.
    I recommend the tipple too (in moderation of course). You can taste the sea air in it. It slips down nice and easy. Too easy.
    And the company's owned by real folk - not massive conglomerates.
    Oh and the company motto tells you everything.
    It's Clachan a Choin!.
    (Which is Gaelic for The Dog's Bollocks).
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  • "Old Smoky" Clarke

    KENNETH CLARKE, the former Chancellor and a front runner to become the next Tory leader, has made £1 million from his role as an ambassador for the international cigarettes trade. Mr Clarke has for eight years been the deputy chairman of British American Tobacco, the second-largest producer, which sells 855 billion cigarettes annually in 190 countries.

    I believe everyone has the right to slowly kill themselves in whatever way they choose.
    But I have had close friends and relatives die at a very early age from smoking-related illnesses. Let me tell you that throat cancer is not a pretty or a dignified way to go: it is humiliating and painful and traumatic for their families who are left to pick up the pieces.
    Anyone who earns a living by promoting the sales of these evil little sticks can have no scruples. Whatsoever.
    If the Tory hierarchy choose "About Turn" Clarke as their leader it will only go to show how desperate they are.
    Despite their attempts to be "inclusive", they
    increasingly look like a load of evil, smelly old men rooted in the past and doomed to remain there.
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  • Poker

    What's with the sudden preoccupation with Poker? Suddenly everybody and his gerbil seems to be playing it.
    Now I've played and lost a few card games in my time. At a game of three card brag at work once, I had a prial of threes (top hand) and my opponent had a prial of aces (next highest). What a game of cards that was. They couldn't get us back to work.
    But this Poker lark on the telly is beyond me. I can't figure it out.
    They deal a couple of cards and if you get a pair or,say an Ace and a King, they bet. Otherwise they fold. Then some more cards are dealt in the middle which either augment the other two cards or they don't. It looks a bit boring: like somebody playing a one-armed bandit only with slightly more control over the outcome.
    Sometimes somebody will attempt a bluff on a duff hand and they either win or lose.
    They even let women play it.Cor.
    I suspect it's a trap to get everybody betting on the internet and finding even more ways for mugs to lose their dosh.
    Leave that sort of stuff to Gordon Brown. Now there is someone who I wouldn't mind having a game of poker with.
    As long as I can use a real poker. And a red-hot one at that.
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  • Sunday, August 28, 2005

    Eurocrap

    Times: Britain has been reminded by the European commission of its legal requirement to set a deadline for converting all road signs into metric measures in line with the rest of Europe. BRUSSELS bureaucrats have been in talks with British officials about abolishing the mile, pint and acre in favour of kilometres, litres and hectares.

    Funny. I don't remember voting for this loss of our heritage. Do you? They will have to prise that pint of English ale (Timmy Taylors and Joey Holts for preference) out of my cold dead English hands.

    Earlier this year Ireland completed its conversion by changing all speed and distance signs into kilometres, leaving only a handful of countries, including America and Britain, still using miles on roads.

    USA Population: 295,734,134
    UK Population:60,441,457

    Some handful - nearly 360 million people.
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  • Dinky doo

    Where's Scottie McClue got to?
    Click on the Scottish flag on his website for his famous megamix.
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  • We were expendable...

    Are you a mere pleb? Are you hoi polloi? Are you a member of the general public?
    I have news for you. If that there bird flu comes to this country as some people are forecasting, you have had it chum. You're brown bread toast.
    Why? Because your lowly social status will ensure that you're at the back of the queue when it comes to handing out the life-saving flu vaccine that's why.
    When the powers that be give out pills to stop the virus, by the time they get round to you there won't be any left. There's no real contingency plans to save the public.
    There's a strict bird flu pecking order (geddit?) which goes something like this:

    Mr and Mrs T Blair and offspring
    The Cabinet.
    Other MPs (but only Labour ones!)
    Ken Livingstone and his cronies.
    The BBC!
    Bobbies, firemen, Service personnel, nurses etc (fair enough)
    Funeral directors (honest)
    The rest of us.
    Jordan and Peter Andre (I made that one up, sadly).

    So start drawing up your wills now good people. But remember. There won't be anybody left around to leave your hard-earned dosh to unless it's T. Blair etc etc...
    (Look on the bright side though: when we've all shuffled off the mortal coil, they won't have anybody to boss about any more.)

    Here's the story from today's Sunday Times:

    MEMBERS of Britain’s elite have been selected as priority cases to receive scarce pills and vaccinations at the taxpayers’ expense if the country is hit by a deadly bird flu outbreak. Workers at the BBC and prominent politicians — such as cabinet ministers — would be offered protection from the virus. Ken Livingstone, the London mayor, has already spent £1m to make sure his personal office and employees have their own emergency supplies of 100,000 antiviral tablets.

    If there is an avian flu pandemic in the coming months there would be enough drugs to protect less than 2% of the British population for a week.The Department of Health has drawn up a priority list of those who would be first to receive lifesaving drugs. Top of the list are health workers followed by those in key public sector jobs.

    Although senior government ministers would be among the high-priority cases, the department said this weekend that it had not decided whether to include opposition politicians.BBC employees would be protected because the corporation is required to broadcast vital information during a national disaster.Politicians and the media have been placed before sick patients, heavily pregnant women and elderly people by government planners.
    Yesterday, leading BBC presenters were surprised to learn that they would be given preferential treatment. Jeff Randall, the BBC’s business editor, said: “Are you really telling me that I am on a priority list for bird flu jabs? Marvellous. I always knew there would be an advantage from working at the BBC.”
    John Humphrys, presenter of BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, said: “I think if I were offered the jab I would probably pass it on to someone 40 years younger than me.”
    Nick Clarke, presenter of BBC Radio 4’s World at One, said: “I’m sure I wouldn’t qualify. My programme has news and comment and the one thing you can do without in a pandemic is comment . . . They would want to have Huw Edwards and reassuring newsreaders on radio.”
    Fears that a “doomsday” virus may sweep the world have been heightened by the recent spread of the lethal strain of avian flu, H5N1. The death toll, estimated at 120, has been of people whose work brought them into close contact with infected birds. Scientists have warned that millions could die if H5N1 mutates.
    The Department of Health would not currently be able to cope with such an onslaught. Although it has ordered 14.6m doses of Tamiflu, an antiviral drug thought to be effective against the H5N1 strain, only 900,000 doses are in stock so far. The full supply will not be delivered until March 2007, at a total cost of about £100m.
    Besides the NHS and BBC, firemen, police and the armed forces are among those listed in the two top-priority groups to receive the vaccine.
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  • Friday, August 26, 2005

    Mixed feelings

    DOZENS of members of the Ukrainian division of Hitler's Waffen SS may have been living in Bolton for years, a local housing boss has claimed.It comes after the release of official secret documents which revealed that the entire Ukrainian "Galicia" division of Hitler's elite troops were allowed to settle in this country in 1947 to protect them from persecution in their homeland.It is believed a number of former soldiers in the notorious unit - blamed for a series of atrocities during the Second World War - came to live in the area when hostilities came to an end.

    I used to drink in a pub in which there were lots of refugees from Poland, the Ukraine and other parts of Eastern Europe. These men worked in the mills, mines and foundries of South Lancashire. They assimilated into Lancashire culture - many of them talking with a curious mix of "foreign" and broad Lancashire.
    I now have no doubt that some of these men took part in these atrocities but to me as a young lad at the time, they were amusing companions from whom I learned a lot.
    Some were very secretive about their backgrounds. When I offered to trace one person's family for him, he went ballistic and shook his head vigorously. Some managed to meet up with their families again. Most didn't.
    On more than one occasion, I witnessed them break down and cry over the families they would never see again.
    My thoughts on them and their previous activities are mixed.
    Most of the ones I knew are dead. Some are still alive I suppose. Whether they should be thrown in jail to rot away the rest of their lives, no doubt some person could make a case for this.
    I knew them as ordinary blokes:very hardworking members of society who had children of their own who were indistinguishable from other Lancashire children.
    I see them as victims of the war as much as perpetrators of it.
    If I or my family had suffered at their hands, I would probably feel differently about them. But I knew them only as good blokes.
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  • Thursday, August 25, 2005

    No harmony

    Two of them are black.
    Two are white.
    Two are brown.
    They all strut around our village like they own the place.
    The sad thing is, they don't mix.
    The blacks stick together.
    As do the whites.
    And the browns.
    They could all be a model for society if they tried really hard to integrate.
    But they don't.
    They just go round in pairs of the same colour.
    Each sticking to his or her own.
    Sad really.
    But that's hens for you.
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  • Nutters away!

    The estimable and very original blogger Nutgroist has taken his baby steps into the world of standup comedy. Go over there and encourage the bugger.
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  • Wednesday, August 24, 2005

    Footy fans

    From the Guardian

    Here's what will happen in the Premiership this season: Chelsea, or Arsenal or Manchester United, will win the title. Liverpool will come fourth. One of the 10 or 11 teams who graze in mid-table will surprise us, but the rest won't. And at least one newly-promoted side will go straight back down. Surprised? Appalled? Or just thinking: 'Yeah, and?'
    A Real Madrid season ticket is a bargain £200. Fans stand up for themselves more in mainland Europe; in England they just roll over.

    He's right y'know.

    Read the rest of the article here.


    From today's Mirror:

    The fan said: "You've f***** us over too, you could've spoken out about it."

    Sir Alex replied: "I've got close friends who've been working with me here for 15 years. They come first in all of this."

    Fan: "So don't the fans come first?"

    Fergie: "Well I suppose they do come somewhere."

    Fan: "You what? That's well out of order."

    Sir Alex: "If you don't like it, go and watch Chelsea."

    Read the rest of the article here.

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  • Switchoff

    Save Money. Save the Planet. Switch it off!
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  • Monday, August 22, 2005

    Greetings World!

    The very clever Site Meter counter on this blog now has a great map which enables me to see whereabouts in the world are the lovely people who visit birdman's blog.
    The last few have been from Anchorage, Alaska; Santa Clara, California;Alberta, Edmonton; Salina, Kansas;Fort Lauderdale and Midway, Florida;Mandeville, Lousiana; Petoskey, Michigan;Trondheim and Nesttun, Norway; New Zealand;Wyanga New South Wales; Perth, Australia;Pontoise, Ile-de-France; Korea; Hungary; Antwerp; Buikberk,Flanders;Groeselenberg;Dublin; Meileour, Perth and Kinross; Edinburgh;and Exeter; Nottingham; Thatcham; Rousham; Rusholme;Bickershaw; Lambeth; Millwall;Bournemouth; Bletchley;Ipswich; Sandridge, Cambridge and Birmingham.
    I find this incredibly romantic. Greetings to you all. You know who you are.
    (Feel free to add where you are visiting from in these comments).
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  • In the picture

    Hey!
    Remember that little Indian restaurant we used to go to on 2627 Connecticut Ave NW, Washington DC?
    What was the name of that place?
    Why of course!
    It was called Little India.
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  • Sunday, August 21, 2005

    Organic cheats

    It appears that scores of shops and farmers are passing themselves off as Organic when they are not. There is a worrying story in today's Observer outlining the scale of the problem.
    Anybody who does this is a thief. Pure and simple. Putting a premium price on food that is being passed off as organic is as bad as dipping into a customer's purse and stealing the contents.

    Stand up then (among others)
    Andrew Portch, who ran a stall under the banner Somerset Organics at Barnes farmers' market just up the River Thames and was found to have misleadingly labelled a number of premium-priced products, including cheese, sausages and game.
    This month, Portch was fined £3,130 and ordered to pay £1,870 in costs.
    His company's website promises: 'Here at Somerset Organics our core philosophy is to produce and supply the highest quality certified Organic food from the county of Somerset.' (sic)
    The company declined to talk to The Observer.
    I took a look at the Somerset Organics company website this afternoon.
    Not surprisingly, there wasn't a lot on there just a message saying:
    The Somerset Organics Web site is currently unavailable owing to technical issues. If you would like to place an order or discuss our products please telephone us on: 01749 813 710 Or email contact@somersetorganics.co.uk
    We apolagise (note the spelling) for any inconvenience caused.

    Well I am surprised.



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  • Facing up to it. Almost.























    Went to Dent. (Almost a poem). It's an unspoiled Dales village with a vampire, bad knitters and a pub with its own brewery. (You'll have to look it up).
    My wife and I sat in the churchyard looking at the magnificent views from the little cemetery at the back.
    "What a lovely place to be buried" I remarked.
    "What do you want to happen to you when you die?" she enquired sweetly.
    There then followed a discussion as to what we wanted doing with our remains.
    All this on a lovely sunny day with swallows flying overhead and sheep blithely bleating on the fells.
    I couldn't make my mind up. I suggested my ashes be divided up and placed in two places which have special meaning for me.
    "I don't think that's allowed" she opined.
    "Well, in that case, I'm not sure" I unhelpfully replied.
    I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes.
    "Are you okay?" I asked.
    "It always happens when we talk like this" she said.
    "Let's go for a cup of tea" I said.
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  • Saturday, August 20, 2005

    Tour of Britain. Team England? - Sorry Sport.

    Don't bother looking for Team England in the Tour of Britain. It won't be there.
    Scotland and Wales have a team. But according to Sport England, Scotland and Wales are just regions. Mind you, Team Great Britain will be competing.
    But, just a minute young sir, how can Great Britain be competing as a team if Scotland and Wales are competing separately?
    This doth not make sense. Doth it?
    Good point sirrah.
    So what is the nationality of the riders in Team Great Britain then?
    Mmm....let me think.
    Erm. Double Dutch?
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  • Harrowing


    Sometimes blogging isn't cute or funny or quirky or trivial.
    Sometimes it's Hell on Earth:Life and Death.
    Like this photo blog from Palestine.
    Rafah Reports.
    But I must warn you, it is very harrowing.
    There are scenes of death, destruction and violence.
    Please do not go there unless you are prepared to be totally shocked and dismayed at what people are capable of.
    Whatever bad news comes out of this country of ours, it's nothing compared with the suffering that goes on there.
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  • Day 20

    Well the birthday came and went and narry a drop of booze passed my fair lips.
    Twelve nights to go on the Chaffinch (alcohol-free) Challenge.
    Might as well stick it out now (as the actress said to the bishop).
    I think it's the first time time I haven't had a tipple since I was ten or so and I got piddled off Pomagne. It was the drink of choice of my youth. Incredibly, it was the schools and churches which seemed to encourage boozing by giving it to underage drinkers as prizes at fetes and garden parties.
    A lucky spin of the wheel and then it would be off to a convenient drinking den with your mates; aiming the lethal cork at some unfortunate person and then downing the warm fizzy contents.
    I don't know what they put in it but you were pissed in no time. It was like alcoholic apple cider.
    An early start to a life of binge drinking. What ho!
    Remember Pomagne? Is it still going?
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  • Friday, August 19, 2005

    Birdy's friends.


    The swallows came this afternoon to wish me a Happy Birthday. There were over 60 of them outside my window and they were all chattering and chunnering.
    I think that Zoe must have sent them all the way from the Land of the Chips and Mayonnaise. Thank you to everyone below who sent their birthday greetings. I don't know a lot of you but you're obviously either very nice people or very frightened of Zoe.
    Either way, despite my feelings about birthdays, you have made my day.
    Now go and make Jonny B's day. Go and have a look at his marvellous video in which he's trying to save his local post office. It's brilliant.
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  • Forget it.

    It's my birthday today. Don't worry - I'll get over it.
    Not keen on birthdays. A friend of mine just had a big do on his sixtieth. I didn't go. I don't agree with them. What's to celebrate?
    Celebrating birthdays should be like Christmas. Just for kids.
    What have I got for my birthday? Sod all. Which is as it should be.
    Oh apart from a picture of Neil Warnock which my wife gave me.

    I appreciated that.
    He makes me laugh.
    Unlike birthdays.
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  • Thursday, August 18, 2005

    A lasting love


    “Trench mortar is alright, a nice weapon, but if you are on the receiving end, you have different views. I was at that moment directing a gun teller, when I got one piece of metal in each eye at the same time. That spun me round, and something big hit me in the back. When I dropped, I got some more bits and pieces in the right thigh. I heard another sergeant major saying ‘he’s had it’, and in the best army language I could muster, I told him I hadn’t.”

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  • Fancy that

    I have just watched Sky News who are are currently featuring an item about young asians with rucksacks being stopped and searched at tube and railway stations - implying that they were being picked on in some way.
    Sky News' Ashish Joshi went on the London Underground to find out who the police are stopping - and why. Why?! I should think it was fairly frigging obvious wouldn't you? A guy like Joshi who fits the profile and who walks into the tube station with a rucksack on his back gets stopped by the police and has his bag searched. WTF did he expect?
    Who the hell are the police supposed to stop? People in kilts? The proverbial little old white ladies with handbags? Toddlers on their way to playschool?
    35% stopped were asian and 32% were white. Not much disparity there then.

    Should we just let the bombers have the freedom to go where and when they like?
    It is inevitable that certain quarters of the community are going to be inconvenienced. Sky's report is divisive and mischief-making. I feel sorry for the people being stopped and searched but I feel even more sorry for the family and friends of the people who were blasted to bits by the suicide bombers. Would you rather be stopped and searched or have your arms and legs blown off? What good does potentially dangerous pseudo politically-correct bullshit like this do for anyone?
    You can email them at news@sky.com
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  • Words

    What do you call a toilet?
    In Lancashire, we call it the petty. (Comes from the french petite, inferring it's the smallest room).
    Add your words to this fascinating BBC survey.
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  • Wednesday, August 17, 2005

    Battle of Britain


    This tribute to The Few and their support looks to be absolutely brilliant. Sixty years later. What took us to long to honour the people who saved this country from being a province of Germany? And even now, it's all done by public donation. The sculptor, Paul Day, is doing a brilliant job. My only quibble would be that I think it should be in Tralfalgar Square - at the heart of the Nation.
    I have given and I hope you can find it in your heart to do the same.
    Some gave more.

    They never returned. During the Battle 544 lost their lives and a further 795 were to die before the end of the war.
    It's all here...

    Countries the pilots came from:
    Great Britain - 2,341
    Australia - 32
    Barbados - 1
    Belgium - 28
    Canada - 112
    Czechoslovakia - 88
    France - 13
    Ireland - 10 Jamaica - 1
    Newfoundland - 1
    New Zealand - 127
    Poland - 145
    Rhodesia - 3
    South Africa - 25
    United States - 9
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  • Stuff em.

    Stand-in captain Ryan Watson said:“Personally, I’d like to see England win a close series. But the die-hard native Scots in our side will want Australia to win a tight one.”
    Scotsman Craig Wright said: “Although I can’t bring myself to cheer for England, it’s been great watching this Ashes series.
    Wright's the captain of the Scottish cricket side which has been doing well lately and just been given full one-day status and qualified for the World Cup.
    I was genuinely pleased to see the Scots doing well at cricket but this inevitably petty attitude has soured it. And to think I used to cheer for Scotland at footy matches when I was younger.


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  • Tuesday, August 16, 2005

    Back where we started


    And then we were back at Glenridding at the end of a fabulous day.
    I've never walked as far in ages. I feel tired but happy. We met some lovely people along the way all enjoying themselves in breathtaking countryside.
    We truly live in a wonderful country with an infinite variety of scenery. It takes a day out like this to remind us how lucky we are.
    If you've never been to the Lakes, get yourselves up there. It's all waiting for you.
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  • Baah















    At a place called Sandwick, we came across these sheep reluctantly waiting to be dipped.
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  • And then we sailed to...


    Howtown was our next stop.
    Then came the interesting bit. It was a seven mile walk round the lake and across the fells back to Glenridding. Should we have a go?
    Yes. We did. And we were rewarded with stunning scenery and beautiful views of the lake and wildlife varying from birds of prey to red squirrels. It's one of the loveliest walks in the Lakes with shingle beaches where you can have a paddle and watch the yachts sail gracefully by or feed the birds on the lake. Some great picnic spots too. A seven mile yomp. What a fit old Birdy eh? (Still not drinking).
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  • Pooley Bridge


    At Pooley Bridge, there were a few teashops and kids paddling in the river.
    Oh - and this plaque in a local bus shelter.
    Spot the mistake? Oh dear. I suppose they didn't have the heart to tell them. Or perhaps none of the locals have noticed yet...
    I refreshed myself here with another Rowntrees pastille lolly.
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  • Then we caught a boat...


    This is the 130 years old steamer the Lady of the Lake which we boarded at Glenridding on the shores of Ullswater - one of the most beautiful lakes in the Lake District. Ullswater is eight miles long. We sailed to Pooley Bridge right on the other side of the Lake.
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  • A good day out

    We had a great day out today in the Lake District.
    This is the road we took - the Kirkstone Pass which leads from the Windermere side to Ambleside and Ullswater. When you're up there in a car, you're level with the clouds. It's almost 1500 feet high. I think it is the highest pass in the Lakes. Look at the little farm in the vast valley below.
    As Wordsworth wrote of the Pass:

    Who comes not hither ne'er shall know
    How beautiful the world below
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  • In and out

    I asked a bloke the other day if he was enjoying the Ashes Cricket.
    He replied:"I'd sooner watch grass grow"
    I'm not normally a violent person but I felt like flogging him with a stocking full of shite.
    I think he was implying it was boring.
    Boring?! My nails are bitten to the stump, my heart's all over the place and my throat's raw with shouting.
    Boring? It's better than sex.
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  • Day 15

    About halfway through the Chaffinch Challenge and there is a curious side-effect.
    Instead of knocking back the booze, I am knocking back the ice lollies. I had eight in one day - the Rowntrees Fruit Pastille ice lollies are my current favourites.
    My liver's doing fine but my lips have got frostbite.
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  • Don't leave us

    Opened the bedroom curtains on a misty morning to see about 40 swallows on the telephone wires outside our house. It's good to see a large gathering of one of my favourite birds but I only hope they aren't having a get-together to make their way home back to South Africa.
    It's too soon lads and lassies.
    I love to see them arrive but I hate to see them leave.
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  • Monday, August 15, 2005

    What's in a name? Nothing in this case.

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  • Sunday, August 14, 2005

    Reet good stuff

    HERE is the regional weather forecast: it’s going to be “nesh” in the southwest of England, “taters” in East Anglia and absolutely “foonert” in Kilmarnock. ( see*)

    All these words mean “cold” and are evidence that dialect is flourishing in this country, according to a study. The British have resisted the onslaught of television and the internet, and our language is more rich and quirky then ever before.
    Dialect has even halted the march of so-called estuary English, the flat-vowelled accent of London and the Thames Valley. This was once thought to be so unstoppable that even the Queen was influenced by it.The findings are the result of a survey by the BBC Voices project of 32,000 people around Britain. It confirmed the suspicion that many rural dialects have died out but discovered that they’ve simply been replaced by new words.

    I'm glad that dialect is still strong. This is what I hate about the EU - the attempt to homogenise us all. I love all the differences between people in different parts of the country.
    I recently met a Frenchman who said, quite rightly, that under the ever-expanding EU, there wouldn't be countries any more. Only provinces.
    And that's the danger.
    What if we only had Cheddar cheese instead of a ripe Stilton, a rich creamy Lancashire or a tangy Blue Vinny? That would be our loss wouldn't it?
    It's the same with accents and dialects.
    When me and my mates meet up for a pint (when I'm drinking of course) we go into broad Lancashire dialect. You would have no idea what we were saying.
    Long live the differences. I love to hear a Geordie accent or a West Country Burr - even if sometimes it's difficult to make out what's being said. There was a Geordie in a social club near us and for weeks, I thought he was a Pole!


    * In Lancashire, we say: "It's fleein" or "It's cowd enough for two pair o' bootlaces".
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  • Techy question

    I know one or two techies read this so I have a question (which may be a stupid one).
    If I switch on my desktop and plug the monitor lead into the back of my laptop, will my laptop act as a monitor for the desktop or will it blow it up?
    Does the desktop override the laptop O\S or is there a procedure I need to adopt?
    Desktop is W98. Laptop XP Pro.
    I thank you.
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  • Thursday, August 11, 2005

    Cats'n'Bats

    Just looked through the bedroom window to see two cats sitting in the lane a couple of feet apart both facing away and looking up over their shoulders at me in a synchronised fashion with their eyes shining in the dark. They stayed that way for ages. Slightly un-nerving for some reason.
    I looked to the left and saw two of the biggest bats I have ever seen. They were flying round and round a street lamp which was attracting clouds of moths and other insects. Their wingspan looked to be over 12 inches. (The bats not the moths). We normally only get the pipistrelles.
    They're a fascinating sight as they swoop and dart silently and they have an air of mystery about them as you never really get to see them close up.
    Feels like Hallowe'en.
    Funnily enough, my present bedtime reading is a book by Stephen King...
    I think I'll just read a little bit tonight...
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  • Birdstuff

    There's a young pheasant walking the lane in front of my house. He's quite tame and lets you get near to him. I went out with a handful of birdseed for him and he was just having a good peck when a local border collie ran by and scared him off.
    I've noticed that the young (feathered) birds are not normally as timid of humans as their parents. I can get quite close to the young bluetits and greenfinches on our feeder and they don't fly away.
    I wonder when they change?
    We have a regular Robin who comes on the feeder but the strange thing about him is he doesn't seem to have much of a tail. Just a stumpy one. Hence his nickname - Trevor.
    There is also one with a spiky tail. Hence his nickname - Dorothy.
    Robins moult in summer and they normally keep a low profile. But ours love the sunflower seeds we put out so we see a lot of them.
    Which is nice.
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  • Wednesday, August 10, 2005

    Day 10

    Roughly a third of the way through Birdy's Booze-Free Bash and, rather frighteningly, I can't say I'm missing it.
    I tested my blood pressure and from being around 146/94 at the end of May, it is now 105/72 which is a hell of an improvement.
    Sleeping soundly (I've a lot to catch up on); eating more healthily (bags of fruit); clearer eyes; more energy and I've got a nice pink tongue.
    I reckon I've saved over 50 quid (probably more).
    I hope those of you who have joined me in the Chaffinch Challenge are sticking with it and enjoying similar benefits.
    Reports please...
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  • Belly flops

    Not that very long ago, pregnant women used to wear smocks to cover up their distended bellies.
    These days, you see them walking round like third-rate boozers with overhanging beer bellies.
    Tight tops accentuate the droopy shape (probably strangle the baby as well) and sometimes there's a gap showing ugly bare flesh and a belly button like Munch's "The Scream".Why do they do it? It's as if they're showing off that they've had a willy inside them.
    It looks grotesque. They should keep it covered up. It puts me off my food.
    When and why did smocks go out of fashion?
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  • Tuesday, August 09, 2005

    Nae bother going

    It was a sunny day yesterday, so we pointed the car North and just set off.
    For some reason, we ended up in Annan in Scotland. (And to think we went past the Lake District. What were we thinking about?)
    It was the usual mix of charity shops, fast-food emporia and pound shops (or should that be poond shops? Plus a couple of kilt-hire shops (I kid ye not).
    There was a Georgian building with a plaque announcing proudly that here is where Thomas Carlyle taught. It was derelict.
    There was a sign saying something like Here is where Robert Burns lived. It was knocked down and turned into a chippy.
    All very dispiriting.
    I went for a pee.
    That's when it really went downhill.
    THEY CHARGE YOU FOR A PEE IN ANNAN!
    Yes - it was 20 pence or as I prefer to call it - four sodding shillings. For emptying your clog.
    What a rip-off.
    The locals obviously don't use the facilities.
    Well you can't see a Scot paying 80 groats or whatever it is for the privilege of lifting up the kilt. I later passed an alleyway along the main street and the stench of piss that wafted out from it mingling with the smell of chip fat made for a heady eye-watering mixture.
    I'm sure Annan has its good points. It's just that they aren't immediately obvious.

    I said to the nice lady who looked after the pisserie: If you were going for a day out round here, what's a good picturesque place to see?"
    "Well," she deliberated. "There's the Annan museum just aroond the corner..."
    "Anything else?" I enquired, hastily.
    "You could have a walk doon by the river".
    "Thanks"
    "Nae bother".
    We went doon by the river and saw a sad-looking Heron.
    I'd be sad if I lived there.

    I thought the day couldn't get any worse.
    Then we went to Dumfries.
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  • Monday, August 08, 2005

    Dis-Loyalty

    British Gas is proposing to close four sites in Manchester, Oldham and Solihull – with the cost of 2000 jobs.The plans are to move back room work to India, where the company claims it can make a 400% saving in operation costs.
    I wrote to the boss, Mark Clare, to express my disgust at this penny-pinching move and said that if they couldn't be loyal to the people of England, why should we the consumers be loyal to them?
    I got the following reply:

    Thank you for writing to me about our recent decision to review the
    future of our back office operations.

    These decisions are never taken lightly. A number of options have been
    considered for our back-office activity and, following due diligence and
    consideration of alternatives, it is now proposed that these roles be
    transferred to India.

    We have no plans to offshore our customer service call handling and are
    wholly committed to maintaining our existing call centres in the UK
    which will continue to handle your enquiries.

    British Gas remains committed to protecting its customers' data and will
    apply the same information security standards in the India operation as
    are in place in the UK.
    This year we expect to recruit more than 2,500 customer service and
    sales staff and service engineers, maintaining our status as a leading
    UK employer, with some 26,000 staff nationally.

    Thank you for taking the time to write to me.

    Yours sincerely,

    Mark Clare

    I wrote back:

    "Following due diligence and consideration of alternatives, it is now proposed that we will now be switching from British Gas."

    If you want to email him, his address is: mark.clare@centrica.com

    If offshoring continues, it could be your job next..
    .
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  • Neither one thing...

    THE Government is proposing to rename ethnic minority groups along US lines in an attempt to strengthen and highlight their British roots. Minorities could be described as, for example “Asian-British” rather than simply as “Asian” under proposals being considered by Hazel Blears, the Home Office Minister. The plan to adopt the American practice of identifying ethnic heritage will be controversial with some British ethnic minorities likely to claim that it is racist. The idea was condemned as fatuous and retrograde by critics last night. Ms Blears’s idea, outlined in an interview with The Times, would introduce “double-barrelled” nationality as a way of giving people pride in both their ethnic background and their Britishness.

    Have these people nothing better to do than sit round thinking up stupidly divisive ideas? Instead of Asian-British, how about British? Why do the Americans call people African-Americans when the people so named have probably never been out of their own State?
    Do we have to copy everything the Yanks do?
    Well this Lancashire-English Chaffinch-Person doesn't think so for one...
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  • Sunday, August 07, 2005

    Whoops

    A lovely neighbour of mine turned and waved us goodbye this evening as she crossed the little bridge over the nearby stream. Suddenly, she disappeared completely.
    Not looking where she was going, she'd fallen off the edge of the bridge onto her bottom and into the stream.
    We rushed to see if she was hurt but amazingly, despite landing on the stones below and catching the back of her head on the bridge, she suffered no more than a damp bum as the water level was extremely low.Her husband jumped in beside her to get her out and I managed to pull her up.
    We were laughing so much, a couple of strangers walking nearby thought we'd escaped from somewhere and made a sharp u-turn.
    The video at the back of my mind keeps replaying the moment and I can't stop laughing.
    We take such simple pleasure in other's misfortunes, do we not?
    Well, it was bloody funny.
    I've no need to feel guilty - have I?
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  • Where are they?

    Where are all the butterflies, ladybirds and dragonflies? I've seen hardly any this Summer.
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  • Saturday, August 06, 2005

    Conks out

    The Times today is full of stories which look like someone made them up for April Fool's Day:

    *ABERDEEN FC supporters who subscribe to the club’s new pay-per-view television channel have complained that they are having to pay to watch paint dry. Fans pay £40 a year for the service, one of the highlights of which is a 13-minute video showing the pitch markings being painted.

    * Boris Johnson, the flamboyant Conservative MP and media pundit, was nursing injuries sustained in the line of duty yesterday after being attacked by a constituent’s dog.“I was bitten by a very large alsatian that for some reason tried to bite my head off,” he told The Times. He insisted last night that he was fine and “fit as a fiddle” but suffered puncture wounds to boths sides of his jaw in the attack.He carried on with his constituency duties, and hosted a party for 350 members of his Conservative association, after treating his injuries by smearing his cheeks with antiseptic cream.Oddly Mr Johnson said that the experience of being bitten on the face by a large dog was not painful.

    * Man jailed for peeing on neighbour's tree. Jollands was later arrested and confessed to police that he had been regularly watering the trees with his urine in four or five places for about a year. He told police that the boundary dispute had annoyed him. Stuart Wild, for the defence, said: “This is a sad case. He had this historic argument with his neighbour and they had not spoken for eight years. He started urinating on his neighbour’s hedge but he has now desisted.” Jollands was sentenced to one day in jail to be served at Grantham police station.

    *
    Thousands are taking part in a bizarre contest in the hope of being named Japan’s leading nerd. This morning more than half a million self-declared nerds across Japan will be locked in their rooms, frenziedly racking their brains over an examination posing 100 of the most obscure questions imaginable.

    * A PROJECT that involves sending an artist to live on a derelict observation tower off the Kent coast was ridiculed yesterday as being a waste of public money.Sea Forts, which is billed as a study of isolation, will cost £93,000 in lottery cash and taxpayers’ money and is the brainchild of Stephen Turner, a Kent-based artist who describes his work as being “concerned with aspects of time and the dialectics of transience and permanence”.He will spend six weeks living in one of a complex of observation towers built during the Second World War to provide early warning of German attacks on the Thames estuary, where he will communicate his thoughts about loneliness in an internet journal.

    * A baby giant anteater had his unusually long nose measured yesterday, before making his public debut at London Zoo.To celebrate the birth of the day-old South American mammal, which is as yet unnamed, the zoo’s authorities announced that they will hold Big Nose Days on August 13 and 14.Visitors with big noses will be able to enter the zoo in Regent’s Park free of charge on those dates.

    Some stories take some believing. I mean what sort of a publicity stunt is that? Do they expect people with overly-large proboscices who have probably suffered all their lives by being called "Anteater" to take advantage of the fact to enable them to get into a Zoo free to see a frigging anteater with an overly-large nose? Are they insensitive morons or what?
    Good job it wasn't a baby donkey with a stonking dong. Mind you, I suppose you'd get more at a Big Dick Day than a Big Nose Day.


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  • Friday, August 05, 2005

    Nonce Sense

    There's a quote in today's Manchester Evening News from Phil Collins which says: "We used to do stunts like supergluing the volume right up on the TV in our hotel room - but then I would feel sorry for the maids".

    You mad sod Collins. What a wild and crazy guy you used to be. Still, we all have to settle down sometime.
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  • Dirty dingo

    Just watching the cricket and an Australian batsman has just been described as a nurdler and a nudger.
    The filthy swine. I might have nudged a time or two but I've definitely never nurdled anyone.
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  • Thursday, August 04, 2005

    Orny what?

    I see that Chaffinches is featured in today's Independent newspaper where I am described as an "anonymous ornithologist"!
    I am in illustrious company - including Boris Johnson, Barbra Streisand, Jamie Oliver, Moby and Belle De Jour. What an honour for them.
    I'm very grateful for the mention but I'm not sure about the label. I could probably better be described as "frustrated sex god" or "recovering oenophile" or perhaps "opinionated pillock" but I'll settle for anonymous ornithologist for now.
    Anyway, the heading of the piece is

    Citizens of the Internet: From the sublime to the ridiculous. I wonder which category I fit into?
    I thought so...
    I'd better ornithologise if that's the case:

    A few nights ago I saw a bloody big owl (that's how good an ornithologist I am). It flew off into a distant tree before I had a chance to clock it. The little birds in the tree kept up a constant cheep of complaint, but it didn't break cover. The night after, a neighbour saw it perched at dusk on the roof opposite. It was there for ages. It's so big, it could possibly be an escapee from a raptor establishment. Or it could be a long-eared owl on tiptoe.
    I'm very jealous of the said neighbour because they have a swallow's nest in the corner of their bedroom window. You can see its little head peeping out the top. Cute doesn't come into it.
    As I walked through the nearby field last night, I was startled by a large grey heron which flew up from the beck. The beck is very low and the brown trout and eels will be trapped in little pools, providing a feast for this magnificent solitary bird. I love to see a heron take off. They don't look built for flying, but somehow they manage an ungainly take-off before sailing off into the distance like an airborne yacht.

    Later, I saw some jackdaws mobbing the local sparrowhawk, presumably to keep him away from their young. I have seen swallows do this and I marvel at their audacity.

    Lastly, there seems to be a vastly increased amount of swifts hereabouts. Their screaming contorting aerobatics as they swoop on clouds of insects keeps me greatly amused.

    Oh. Yesterday I saw a dead shrew on a footpath. But that's not a bird is it?
    Well, that's all for today from the anonymous ornithologist.
    Bill Oddie, eat your heart out.


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  • Bogof Tesco

    What "Which" found...

    Tesco's "save £1 per kilo" on pre-packed broccoli worked out at £2.99 per kg. However, loose broccoli, without a discount, was just £1.58 per kg. Even buying bigger packs and more bottles, believing they represent good value, can cost punters extra.A 200g jar of Tesco's Classic coffee cost £2.20. But two 100g jars of the same product cost 88p each, a total of £1.76.Another ploy is to raise prices for 30 days then cut them, giving the impression of a bargain. Tesco doubled the price of a 24-pack of beer for a month then halved it, trumpeting it as a huge saving for customers.

    Buyer beware...see if it's cheaper at your local grocer\greengrocer before there's nowhere else left to shop.

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  • Day 4

    Checked my blood pressure last night (of course I am a hypo) and it's down to 108\75.
    It was quite a bit higher when I was imbibing, so that's progress of a fashion.
    Can't say I'm missing the booze at present.
    My Liver phoned my last night to personally thank me for what I'm doing. He says he's enjoying his holidays and his two best mates - the Kidney Twins - say they feel better already.
    My pleasure lads...
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  • Ding ding!

    If they ever do a remake of On the Buses, this chick would be a dead ringer for Olive.
    Hey Jude, don't take it bad...
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  • Wednesday, August 03, 2005

    Devon clots

    AID TO OLD FOLK AXED

    CARERS for old people have been told to stop helping with shopping, cooking and cleaning as a council tries to cut costs.
    Home helps will be withdrawn altogether if they do only these jobs.
    Charities and local MPs are furious at the decision, which they say will make independent life for the elderly more difficult.Devon County Council faces a £3.4million excess on its £83million budget for adult social services.A memo to home helps orders them to stop all "non-personal care". In all but the worst cases, they should merely get old people up and dressed.Help the Aged said: "How are they going to manage on their own?"Totnes MP Anthony Steen said: "If social services is not about doing this, what is it about?

    If you want to let these heartless bastards know how you feel, there's a webform here.

    Post it on your blog.

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  • Banksy's best save

    I'm not ashamed to admit that I shed a few tears when I read this story of how Gordon Banks saved a young lad from joining the IRA.

    When people realise that other people are just like them, it makes a difference.
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  • Rain rain don't go away

    Hurray. It's raining. I want it to rain really hard and long.
    The ground's too hard for the birds to get food and there's very little water in the beck.
    Our birds have got through two big bags of sunflower seeds already this week. (Make sure you keep your feeders stocked please - or go out and buy one. It's very important).
    The goldfinches have stopped arguing with one another; the great spotted woodpecker is back on the nuts and the baby greenfinches and sparrows let you get really close to them on our upstairs windowsill feeder.
    So too does the Robin. If the tray is inadvertently empty, he stands on the top of the feeder and complains loudly with a loud tut-tutting noise, then flies to a nearby hedge and watches with his beady eye as I replenish the tray. Then he's first up for the goodies.
    He's closely followed by the Blackbird who scoops up a very large beakful and flies off into the distance jabbering gleefully .
    If you've any rotten apples, cut them into quarters and chuck them out for the birds. They love them.
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  • Day 3

    I slept eight and a half hours last night. Proper undisturbed sleep. This morning, I feel more mentally alert and more capable of dealing with situations that need thinking about.
    I am reminding myself of the benefits of laying off booze by re-reading this.
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  • Knock Knock. Is there any body there?

    At the risk of upsetting my Scottish friends, I have to report the following from today's Times:

    The service at St Bartholomew’s Church in the City of London, outside which Wallace’s campaign against the English came to a gruesome end on August 23, 1305, is intended as the centrepiece of a series of commemorations marking the 700th anniversary of his death. A funeral is finally to be held for "Braveheart" William Wallace.
    David Ross, a Scottish amateur historian, will today embark on a 450-mile pilgrimage that will culminate in a service to the Scottish rebel and freedom fighter later this month yards from the spot where he was executed.
    The service, to be conducted by a Church of Scotland minister, will include a performance of Flower of Scotland by the folk singer Ronnie Browne and a song composed for the occasion by Ted Christopher, who wrote a revised version of Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door in the aftermath of the Dunblane Primary School shootings in 1996. There will also be speeches by Alex Salmond, leader of the Scottish National Party, and Fiona Watson, senior lecturer in Scottish history at Stirling University. The coffin — with a plaque bearing the message “The spirit of William Wallace, 1305-2005” — will then be draped in a Saltire and carried through the streets of London before being driven back to Scotland for a long-awaited homecoming.

    Margo Steel, of the Lanark Wallace Trust, said that having the coffin returned to the town would be an undoubted boost for tourism. “There was talk of burying the coffin in Stirling but I pushed the case for Lanark as there is no official memorial to him (Wallace) here. It would also be fantastic for tourism. Who wouldn’t want to come and see the final resting place of a Scottish hero like William Wallace,” she said.

    Except it won't be his last resting place. You see he was hanged, drawn and quartered and his body scattered. So what will be in the actual coffin then?

    An open coffin will be placed at the front of the church, into which the congregation will be invited to drop personal notes and mementos of Scotland — from miniature Saltires to thistles and white roses.

    Does anyone else see this as a a bit Monty Pythonish? A case of Scotland looking backwards again instead of forwards? Gesture politics as empty as the coffin? Or is it, as can be discerned from the words of the lady above - a cynical tourist ploy? I am sure the good people of Scotland aren't going to be taken in by this. I hope not anyway.

    If a body had been found, I could just about see the point. But surely the solemnity of the occasion will be diminished by the fact the the "mourners" will be following po-faced behind a box full of bits of paper, dead thistles and other souvenirish nick-nacks? I'm afraid the participants are going to look a bit of a laughing stock.
    Or could it set off a trend? I mean next year, we could "bury" King Arthur, Boadicea, Robin Hood and Hereward the Wake.
    No, let's not bother eh? There have been enough real funerals in London recently. We don't need any fake ones.
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  • Tuesday, August 02, 2005

    Wow

    I saw a woman pushing a buggy-type canopied pram towards me this afternoon containing what seemed to be a very hairy baby with floppy ears.
    When she got closer, I saw it was a cocker spaniel.
    Not unnaturally, I enquired why she was pushing a dog round in a pram and she explained that it had only been born with three legs and a little stumpy one so to save wear and tear, she decided it needed a little help.
    The dog looked perfectly happy to be pushed about. He was 10 years old she said and it was a rescue dog - like three others she had.
    What a nice lady. The world's not all bad.
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  • Day 2

    Had an early night. Finished off reading X Ray which is the autobiography of Ray Davies of the Kinks. Very interesting but very weirdly written. Some eye-opening moments in the life of a fascinating but complicated man who has exerted a massive influence on the British pop scene. A great English song writer and by that I mean a man who has written his music with England at the heart of his material. An observer of the everyday. Not unlike blogging to some extent.
    At present, I am sipping a Dr Stuart's detox tea which has lots of herbals such as dandelion, milk thistle and burdock to help cleanse the liver. I'm off the coffee at present as well - usually drink Alta Rica Arabica (intense).
    Also eating lots of healthy fruit - pink grapefruit, blueberries, strawberries, cherries, etc. Plus salads.
    Drinking Willow water , organic vegetable juice and pomegranate juice.
    Last night, I marinated some tofu in a mixture of walnut oil, garlics, molasses,lemon juice, ginger, soy sauce and black pepper then seared it in a wok and ate it with some stir-fried veg with braised cherry tomatoes and jalapeno peppers.
    One thing I've noticed this morning is I am making quite a few typing errors while writing this.
    I understand you've got to start feeling worse before you feel better. We'll see what happens.
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  • Monday, August 01, 2005

    World Record Attempt

    I am embarking on an experiment in self denial today.
    For the whole of August, I intend not to have a drop of booze.
    Don't get me wrong. Apart from the odd highly-enjoyable Sunday binge drinking session with my mates where the recommended safe-drinking points get used up in one go (yeah, I know I shouldn't - it's not big and it certainly isn't clever) I like to think I'm a moderate drinker.
    Trouble is, I'm a regular drinker. Come 7 pm and there's the familiar "pop!" as the cork comes out of the Shiraz or the Malbec or whatever. Sometimes followed by a refreshing Sauvignon Blanc or a small single malt. Well, I say small...
    And that's the trouble. It's become a habit. And it all has a cumulative effect on the weight and the health.
    I don't feel bad - but I also don't feel good. I'm not full of the joys of whatever season it happens to be. Lethargic would be a good description.
    I still have the slight palpitations I have had since around February and I'm about the heaviest I have ever been.
    Other bloggers have remarked that they've been suffering from depression - which has mysteriously lifted after coming off the booze. I seriously wonder how many people are on happy tablets when they don't really need to be.
    I also saw a programme on telly last week where "social" drinkers who like a glass or two of wine have ended up with damaged livers and dodgy blood. One got cirrhosis, which can be a death sentence.
    Some of them stopped off the booze for a month and ended up as healthy happy individuals. They also lost a stone in weight.
    So that's it. The cork stays in the bottle this month.
    If anyone wants to join Birdy's Booze-Free Bash, you are more than welcome.
    You have nothing to lose but that shitty muzzy listless depressed feeling and a good few thousand empty calories.
    You will end up healthier, clearer-headed, happier, slimmer and with more brass in pocket.
    Come on. You're not going to make me do this on my own - are you?
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